Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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