I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
