I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
