I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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