how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
