I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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