I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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