Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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