i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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