I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
