Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
