I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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