My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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