You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
