Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
