So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
