I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize