i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
