It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
