forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
