I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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