I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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