I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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