i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
