You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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