You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
