isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
