Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
