yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sober January is a disaster.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
