My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
