my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
