no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
