A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
