five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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