Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
