the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
