What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
