I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
