He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
