I could make wine with my vomit
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
