Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
