She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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