We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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