If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
