O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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