The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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