He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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