what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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