she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
