Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
