So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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