I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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