this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
