Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
