She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
