In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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