his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
