So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
