That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
